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A low whispering sound echoed in the back of his ears, close to the buzz of silence, but Thesce wasn’t paying attention. He was mesmerized with the scene that seemed to be unfolding too fast in front of him. It was dark around the corners of his sight and he felt heavy, as if his limbs had been filled with pounds of sand, but he was happy. Or, at least that’s what the tightness in the back of his throat was trying to tell him. Happy. And how could he not be? It was Addie in front of him, her pale hair like a waterfall of moonlight behind her head and her violet eyes were as dark as the night. He felt the sudden need to reach out and touch her, to feel the skin of her cheek under his fingertips. But he couldn’t.

Addie turned a little, now facing him in the long white gown she wore. It was almost see-through in the silvery light and everything about her was pale and porcelain. An aching throb of passion twisted in his chest at the sight of her, and he was aware that his heart had sped up along with the whispering sound in his ears. Thesce was frozen, seeming to be watching from behind some sort of glass as Addie rose her hand to curl around her swollen belly.  Realization crept up slowly, like ice cold water seeping in through his socks, and there was an unbearable moment of awe that split through his bones. That was his child. 

He wanted to run to her now, to embrace her and to feel the swell of her stomach under the palm of his hand. No, not a want, a feverish need. He needed to touch her, looking at her wasn’t enough. Thesce tried to move, but again his limbs were too heavy and he was hopelessly stuck in place. He tried to call out to her, desperation was rising quickly and Thesce couldn’t beat away the threatened feeling that seemed cold in the middle of his heart. There was something wrong.

What had once been pride and overwhelming love for the woman and her unborn child in front of him only a few moment ago violently changed to blood curdling fear. “Addie!” Thesce screamed and his voice sounded foreign to his own ears. What had changed? Why did he feel as though if he didn’t do something, anything god dammit, she would die? They would die. Addie kept staring at him, unaware of his screaming, but the hand on her belly clenched a little. The desperation Thesce felt exploded in the back of his mind and all strains of sanity he knew went with it.

A stain that looked black at first started to bloom above her left breast, but with quickening horror Thesce realized it was blood. He was screaming for her again, but Addie simply looked down at the blood with widening eyes. The whispering in Thesce’s ears grew louder and he could start to make out the words even above his frantic shrieking.

It was his own voice, and as he made out the words, Addie brought her eyes up to meet his. The violet irises that stared at him were not in pain or fear like he would have expected. Instead, they held contempt and a hatred that felt like a burning dagger twisted into his heart. He was still screaming for her as the whispering finally made itself clear.

I am not your friend. I’m not your lover. I’m not your family. The voice whispered, dripping with the same contempt Addie was looking at him with. Another horror shoved its way forward, disguising its self as realization. Thesce couldn’t touch her because he had been the one that had shoved her away.

The edges of his sight were darkening again, and the whispering had turned into screaming. His voice was raw with his desperate shrieking for Addie, for his unborn child. But she wasn’t paying attention, her eyes were closed now, and her pale hair began to float as if she were falling. Her white gown was now crimson and dripping, with the skin above her bosom peeled back as if it had been torn off. Thesce was still screaming for her as they fell together into blackness.

The night was cool, but Thesce awoke drenched in his own sweat. His breathing was coming out in rasps, but even before he realized he was awake he was clawing at the other side of the bed, looking for her. She wasn’t there and another wave of irrational fear gnashed at the edges of his thoughts. Where was she? It was then that he realized the bathroom door was open, flooding half the room with the stark white light.

It took a moment for Thesce’s eyes to adjust, but he could make out Addie’s thin frame standing silhouetted in the light. She was naked and facing him with her arms dangling by her sides. She was completely still and quiet, and though her hair was dripping Thesce couldn’t hear the shower running.

“Addie?” Thesce asked gently though he was alarmed by her stance. As if in response to her name a quiet sob broke out from her thin chest, shaking her frame. Addie clasped her hands over her face, trying to keep her broken sobs at bay. It only took a moment for Thesce to cross the well-kept bedroom and curl his arms around her. She pushed him away at first, but he wouldn’t have let go even if the world had decided to split open where he stood. Thesce pressed her head against his chest, taking in the smell of her wet hair and trying to shove away the image of her bosom darkening with blood. “What’s wrong?” He asked after a long moment and to his own ears it sounded like a child’s voice.

“I killed them, you know.” She answered, her voice hitching with sobs. Thesce knew who she was talking about, and decided not to argue. It was a wound that would keep an open sore until she decided she wanted to stitch it up herself.

“We’ve all killed someone.” He replied dryly and the image that came to his head was that of his dream. And he could hear in the back of his mind, I’m not your friend. I’m not your lover. I’m not your family. 

(c) Shelby Williams 2014